im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
