I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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