I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
