:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Vodka?
Forever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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