I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize