Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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