**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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