You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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