i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and she was petting her beer can
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
