not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My bed smells like the plague
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
