I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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