I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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