Betty ford says i'm here all night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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