so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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