I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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