My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
