He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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