Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
