does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
