i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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