I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
