mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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