She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
