Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
