no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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