he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
