this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
