Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
