4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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