and i looked up. we had an audience...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
