I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm getting married
To pizza
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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