I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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