dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
