Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
