His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
