Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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