I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
