Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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