my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
