Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
