I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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