My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
