Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
