I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
