Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
