Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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