small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
