I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
