But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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