oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
