And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
