Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
