The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
