Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
