i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
