The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
