do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
