so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sarcasm needs its own font
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
