and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
