Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You smell like a Billy Joel song
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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