my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
