Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
