At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
