i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
