I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize