You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
