He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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