just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
